


Life is Hard for Hunters

by PaulatheCat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-14 00:11:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/509261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaulatheCat/pseuds/PaulatheCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John watches his sons from the shadows as he contemplates the life he leads.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life is Hard for Hunters

**Author's Note:**

> John Winchester is a hard man who lives a hard life. He knows the hardships involved with raising boys in the hunters' life, but he won't bat an eye while doing it.  
> Disclaimer: This is a trans-formative work of fiction based on CW/Eric Kripke's Supernatural. No infringement is intended. Set pre-series from John's PoV.

Life is Hard for Hunters

by PaulatheCat

Life is hard for hunters.

Friends are few and far between. Having any lasting relationships is dangerous--- dangerous for the lovers or friends; dangerous for the hunters.

Family… family is a liability. Except, there’s no one. There’s no one else with whom I can leave my only connection to Mary. The boys are the only family I have left. They’re with me because there is just…no one. No one but me. They know… like I know… life is hard.

I guess I’m luckier than most. Most hunters live solitary lives and trust no one. It’s a lesson I learned when the boys were younger, but I don’t have the luxury to live solo. I can’t afford to always leave them alone and I can’t always be there. I have a job to do and if anything happened to them… So, yeah… family is a liability.

I’ve met a few people in “the Life” during the past decade. Dean’s always known. Sam is figuring things out. Sometimes, I can leave them in the motel with Dean in charge. 

Sometimes, well… Sometimes, it’s too dangerous…

I’ve met some hunters in whose care I wouldn’t even leave my car… but, there have been a few… a very few… with whom I can leave the boys and know that the demons, vampires, shifters… all the things that go bump in the night… they won’t get my kids. Jim Murphy, Caleb, Bobby…

There have been those I’ve trusted, but have found out the hard way how wrong I was. When I leave the kids in the motel, I worry. I call Dean at least twice to check on them, but I can’t get the job done with so much to distract me. When I leave them with Jim, I hurry back to get them. Jim has a larger flock besides my two kids. I trust him… I just need to make sure. When I leave them with Bobby, I used to call twice a day. I used to worry. I used to hurry back.

But, life is hard.

And hunters’ kids have it harder than most.

Bobby genuinely cares about them. He’s not their dad… that’s me. But, sometimes… sometimes, I’m a liability to them. Sometimes, they’re a liability to me. That’s how it is for the families of hunters. And I’m just glad they have Bobby when they can’t have me. 

So, here I am…

Dean keeps trying to dunk his brother’s head under the water. There’s a smile on his face. Sam’s too. They’re splashing and playing in the water with Bobby laughing and calling them names. They look…

They look like a family.

But, family is a liability. And the boys will be hunters. I just can’t bring myself to come out from where I watch them in the shadows. I know that when I do, they won’t look like a family anymore. They won’t look like little boys playing in a pool. They won’t look like little boys at all. They’ll look like young hunters. I want them to be little boys… just a little longer. Because, when they have to come back to real life… it won’t look like this.

I smile and forget for a moment… Just for a moment.

I watch Bobby call them out of the water. Dean dunks Sam one last time before splashing to the steps out of the pool. Sam swims to follow with a beaming grin. I step back further into the deeper shadows. If they see me the illusion will be shattered. They’ll have to be hunters. And life is hard for hunters, it’s not public pools with surrogate uncles, splashing and pushing and laughing and playing.

I suppress the surge of jealousy.

I want it to be me. I want to go to the pool and neighborhood barbecues with my sons—to see them smile at me and laugh and be kids. But, I’m a hunter. They are a hunter’s sons.  
Bobby tells me that they’re kids. He fights with me when I call to check in. I expect him to train the boys when they are with him. If he didn’t threaten me with buckshot in my ass every time I remind him of what I expect, I might actually press the issue—emerge from the shadows and wipe the smiles from all of their faces. But, life is hard enough. And this life claimed their childhood enough as it is.

I’ll go when I see the truck leave the lot. I’ll move down the street to where I parked the car and I’ll call Bobby to let him know I found another hunt. He’ll pretend to be put out. He’ll call me names and bluster, but I know him. A hunter’s life is hard and having a family is a liability. Bobby knows this as well as any of us. But, Bobby wants them to remember why we live it when they can no longer pretend to be boys.

He and I agree on one thing. “The Life” is hard… only gets harder. They need a reason to keep working the job… to keep people safe. I don’t need a reason… I can’t do anything else, now.

Between jobs, I take work at a garage or as a handyman. The kids get a little stability and a taste of normal. But, they’re not normal boys… We’re not a normal family… our lives aren’t normal. We have a hard job to do. We live a hard life. We’re hunters and life is hard for hunters.  
I come out of the shadows to watch red tail-lights wink out down the street.

I have a job that will take me a week or so and I can leave them a little longer to pretend they’re an actual family. I’ll tell Bobby to work with Dean. He needs training with a rifle. Sam needs work on Latin and Greek. He complains that lore books are always in Latin or Greek. He doesn’t ask me any more why he should learn the lore. I think Dean is telling him. Friends are few and far-between for hunters. I’m glad the boys have each other. Dean is the best friend Sam could ask for; even if he wants friends outside family, Sam will realize he can always count on his brother.

The Impala is big and black and sleek in the noon sun. Dean will need a car… I’ve been meaning to get something that can handle some of the wet, muddy roads and cross through rising stream beds… a truck, maybe. Dean can have the car when it’s time. He’s always wanted it.

As the boys grow older, as I find out more and more about the demon… I find I can move better when the boys take care of themselves or when they stay with Jim or Bobby. I’m beginning to live more of a solitary life. Most hunters live solitary lives. I get why.

Maybe, I could leave Sam here with Bobby. Dean can hunt with me until he’s old enough to go solo… I could give him the Impala, then.  
I rub my hands across her dashboard.

Dean will want to come. I can put off living and working alone if he comes with me… comes to back me up. I can count on him. He’s dependable. Always has been. I don’t have to trust another hunter. But… family is a liability. I can’t risk losing Dean the way I’ve lost partners in the past. He has to learn sometime, and I’d rather he be with me than another hunter. If I leave him here, Bobby will have him believing he’s a normal kid who can do normal things… like swim at the public pool.  
I turn the ignition and hear the engine roar to life.

Life is hard for hunters…

I’m about to make it a little harder by separating them from each other.

I turn the car towards the outskirts of Sioux Falls… toward a ramshackle shell of a house… owned by a solitary hunter amidst a scrap metal graveyard…

Bobby will take care of Sam for the week. After that, I can leave Sam in the motel room by himself while I take Dean on hunts. Pretty soon, they’ll have no one but each other. I’ll live that solitary life… because I’m a liability to them. They’re all I have left and I love them too much. That’s why they’re a liability to me. Things can use them to get to me. So, soon, they will live like hunters, too. They’re not normal boys. I need to prepare them for those two facts of life:

Life is hard.

We’re all we got.


End file.
